woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
