Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
she pinky promised me she was 18
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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