The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
