Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize