Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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