I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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