This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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