Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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