Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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