he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
