worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I can't trust your balls anymore.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
