one two three fourrrrnication!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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