Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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