so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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