I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Randomize
