We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
