my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
