why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize