$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
