I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
