Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize