Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
