Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
