I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
