I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
