North Korea, Best Korea!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
