Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
