This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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