I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the day after is always just damage control
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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