I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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