Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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