I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
