You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
