He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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