K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
