I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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