cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just high enough for therapy.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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