I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize