i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
