You really coming over, don't trick.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
