these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
