I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We are all done wearing pants today
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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