I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
