dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
