We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
