Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
