I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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