Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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