Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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