he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
