Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
