Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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