I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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