HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
