Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
