Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize