Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
