I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
