somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
we're making bets on your personal life
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
you never un-have a 4some
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
