1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
