I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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