please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize