I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
