well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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