so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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