Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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