He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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