K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
