i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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