He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
