woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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