a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize