the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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