she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
