I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
