been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize