so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
