sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize