in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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