defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
