Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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