I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
