11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
