She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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