I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
