There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
