I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
