No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
accomplished twins. life is a go
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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