Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
