normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
