I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
