The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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