Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
