apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
