apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
