I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
